So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
