Barsexuality is the new black.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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