.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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