he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
