I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
