Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
