One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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