wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
