Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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