I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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