You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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