he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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