I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
