I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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