My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
