I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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