Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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