the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
