His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
