I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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