i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
