This girl is more easily done than said...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
