He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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