Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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