May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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