Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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