i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
