i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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