I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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