Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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