i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize