how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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