My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
