Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
