if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
