Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
