I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
