I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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