i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Holy shit dude........stairs
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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