oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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