Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
