She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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