I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
