don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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