I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
