The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize