Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
