Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
