Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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