I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
