Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
