6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
A bitchslap is in order.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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