Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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