WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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