i need an iv and a liver transplant
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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