is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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