Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
