Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Drake has all the answers
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
