I will die if light touches me.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
