all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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