do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
