Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
