It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
