I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
