this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
