around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
