I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
