Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
