I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
